The Forest of Hands and Teeth

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Oh my! It has been quite a long time since my last post!  I am so sorry for the hiatus but I have a good excuse this time.  I own a bridal boutique and guess what season it is? (Let me give you a hint... "Here comes the bride....").  It has been completely out of control for a couple weeks now so I have had no time to blog much less read!!!  Have no fear though, I have been listening to audio books on my commute to and from work so I have a couple waiting in the wings.  However the last book I read was The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan, and even though I am not a YA lover this book was about Zombies!!!  I mean come on y'all ZOMBIES!!!!  And they snack on people!  And it is gruesome and there is unrequited love and then the love is requited, and there is some young adult drama; and did I mention there are Zombies EVERYWHERE???  They are just waiting to take a wee bite out of someones arm and turn them in to the living dead too!!  And there are some parts that are uber intense, and made me sleep with my light on when my husband was on shift at the firehouse. Whooo... (*big breath*). 

OK so here it goes ladies and gents...  The world has been taken over by the "Unconsecrated" and the survivors are forced to live in these little villages that are fortified by fences.  However, it has been so long sense the world has been over run by the living dead that the villages are isolated from each other and none of the villages are sure if the other villages are still around or if they have been taken over by the flesh eaters.  This story takes place in one such village and that is where we meet Mary.  She is restless and wants more in life than what is between the fortified fence.  But she knows that there is no way to get past the Forest of Hands and Teeth (an unfortunate name by the way) and explore what else is out there.  Eventually there is a breach in the fence and the village is over run by the zombies, and you guys this isn't a spoiler because there has to be a breach or else this story would suck.  Anyway Mary and her friends are on the run through the deadly forest being chased by the cast from Dawn of the Dead.  Will they find another village?  Will they all make it?  Will there be some twists and turns?  I am not telling! You will have to find out for your selves.  

Alright I am not saying that this book is fabulous, the writing is eh, and the story has some dangly bits that don't really get resolved or really have a point to the story; but what do you expect from a Zombie story?  I mean you don't really expect a zombie flick to win an Oscar, am I right?  It is what it is and just take it as a quick read that would be good for summer vacation.  I am waiting for the second book (did I mention this is a series?) to become available at my library so I can see what else is going on with these characters.  You all will be the first to know what I think about book 2 (The Dead Tossed Waves) I promise.  

BOOK vs. MOVIE: This book has been picked up by Seven Star Pictures for a film adaption.  There is even some talk that Twilight star Kristen Stewart may play the lead (the horror! Isn't one teen book series turn movie series enough for one person?)  Will I go and see it?  Yeah probably.  I'm always down for a good zombie movie on the big screen. 

RATING: 3 stars

3 More Reviews of The Forest of Hands and Teeth:

The Neverending Shelf

Books i Done Read

All About {n}

The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan

(purchased at a used book shop)

ISBN 9780385736817

Pages 308

If you liked The Forest of Hands and Teeth then read:  The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Her Fearful Symmetry (ranting a bit... Sorry)

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**Disclaimer** Whenever I give a book a bad review I write my review and then I don't post it for quite a few days because I want to make sure that I really mean what I am saying and not giving a sort of deserving book a bad wrap.  So if I sound terrible and snarky it is because this book made me this way.  I chose and rechose my words carefully and this is purely my opinion.

You know when you were a kid and Christmas or your Birthday rolled around and there was that one great big box dressed all in bright beautiful paper that you were just dying to rip into?  The one that you just knew was that most coveted toy or that puppy you asked for?  Then when you were given the OK you tore off the wrapping paper and opened the lid only to be confronted with a few pairs of rolled up sock that our Aunt Hilda knitted you.  Well that doesn't even slightly compare to the disappointment I was in store for when I set out to read Her Fearful Symmetry.  I was looking forward to this book so much and I wanted to love it really really hard despite the bad reviews it was getting, but alas, the reviews were bad for a reason people!  After The Time Travelers Wife (which I consider my all time favorite book, and have read almost 8 times) I was expecting my mind to be blown with her amazing story telling skills and genius mind like I was the first time I read TTTW, but y'all, it was blown because the book was utter garbage!  Audrey can tell a story I will give her that, her writing is BEAUTIFUL with a capital B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L and her mind goes place that no one else's can go but this story was so disjointed and so pointless that I wanted to beat myself with the book rather than read it.  I know I sound hateful but my heart is broken with disappointment and like a child I don't want to wear my disappointment with dignity, I want to through a temper tantrum!

So I guess I have to tell you what this book is about a little bit.  And there might be some spoilers here but I edited out all the twisty bits.  Ok so, Elspeth and Edie are twins.  They have a big falling out and one moves to the Untied States (Edie) and one stays in London (Elspeth).  Elspeth gets the cancer and she dies.  Edie has twin girls of her own (Julia and Valentina) and they are lazy, whiney, 20 year olds that just sit around all day watching HGTV (seriously).  Anyway, Elspeth dies of the cancer like I said and leaves her nieces (Julia and Valentina) her flat in London with the stipulation that they live in it for a year before they sell it and that their parents are not allowed to come into the flat, ever.  Meanwhile, Elspeth's boyfriend Robert is devastated by Elspeths death and can't get over her at all so he does some really naughty things with her shoes (umm yes he did).  Julia and Valentina move in to their aunts flat but guess what?  Elspeth is a ghost and she lives (errr.. haunts) in the flat too.  Then Robert falls in love with Valentina which is creepy and Elspeth gets a little jealous.  Elspeth learns how to communicate with the girls and Robert via a Ouija Board (I am dead serious) and she also learns how to take the souls out of living things and then put them back (and she practices on a poor little kitten that Valentina loves).  Throughout this whole train wreck of a story Valentina has some pent up resentment for her sister Julia and decided she has to kill herself to get away from her (ummm... because that's what I feel like I have to do when I'm annoyed with my sibling).  So Valentine concocts this brilliant plan to have Elspeth rip her soul out of her body, keep it safe, and then replace it once her sister and her parents think she is dead and buried in the cemetery that is next door (and is probably the most important character in this book -um the cemetery not Valentina).  (Come on!!!  Seriously??  I mean decay??  Gross??)  Elspeth is happy to oblige because Valentina is getting a little too cozy with Robert.  Now about this time the story starts to take some crazy twists and turns that will leave you scratching your head and muttering WTF under your breath but believe me you are better off not wasting your time.  Unless you are like me and want to find out for yourself.  But don't say I didn't warn you.

Obviously you can tell that I am in deep hate with this book, so here is where I usually tell you who I would recommend this book to.  NO ONE.  Don't waste your time.  If you feel the itch to read Her Fearful Symmetry just pick up The Time Travelers Wife instead.  I can't believe that the same person wrote both of these books!  I mean TTTW was so ingenious, Niffenegger told that story with so much detail and the whole idea of that story was so thought out and just perfect but Her Fearful Symmetry felt like she used up all her creative juices with TTTW and just threw HFS together at the last minute because Simon and Schuster gave her a FIVE MILLION DOLLAR advance and she forgot when the deadline was, then all of a sudden she looked at her calendar and was like "crap I have to write a book by next Thrusday!  Whatever am I going to do?"

BOOK vs. MOVIE: I might watch this as if it came out as a movie.  Because the book was so terrible that the movie would probably be really good!  I mean movies made about great books usually suck so maybe we would get a blockbuster with this bad book.

RATING: 1 and a half star (the half star is for the fact that the writing was done well just not the story part)

3 More Reviews of Her Fearful Symmetry:

Books I Done Read (She LURVED the book so I wanted to give you the flip side)

Gus Greeper

Well Read Reviews

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger:

9781439165393

Pages: 401

If you liked this book than read: The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield